


Poison and Wine

by EMPG22HoPe



Category: An Ember in the Ashes - Sabaa Tahir
Genre: Blood and Violence, F/M, Roman Empire, Slow Burn, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 19:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EMPG22HoPe/pseuds/EMPG22HoPe
Summary: Emperor Marcus Farrar’s life is spared by his Blood Shrike. With the jinn released to destroy mankind, he must reestablish his befallen reign as Emperor. And in his indebtedness to Helene Aquilla, attempt to be a better man for his people, and for his Empress, Livia. (PS. A Reaper at the Gates spoilers ahead! Read at your own risk!)





	Poison and Wine

**Poison & Wine  
**by  _EMPG22HoPe_

__

* * *

_How dare you say it's nothing to me  
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw_

* * *

_**Marcus** _

He asked the Shrike to take his life. He wanted to, for once, so he could see his brother again. But there was a glimmer in Helene Aquilla's eyes as she dropped the dagger she was supposed to use on him. A sense of realization, and were he not bleeding and weak on the floor, he would have driven that dagger through his heart himself.

The Shrike looked him in the eye. "Get up, Marcus. This is no place to die."

Marcus howled at her to leave him be, but soon, she had her hands above his chest, and began to hum a tune he's never heard of before. The wound on his side began to close, stitching themselves in. A sharp gasp escaped his lips. Ten bleeding hells, she was  _healing_ him.

The song was through, and he could feel less of the pain. But he still felt weak, despite the great relief. With the strength of two men, the Shrike managed to pull him up on his trembling legs. He was too shocked to say anything, to move, even, and yet his feet moved on its own accord.

 _Keep going, get out of there, live;_ a familiar voice whispered in his ear.

He searched the room, as he seemed to always have now, for Zak's ghost. He was nowhere to be found.

"If you will not live for yourself, then live for your Empire," The Shrike growled at him when he seemed to weigh too much in her own exhaustion. " _Live for your son_."

This sparked a fire within him. With what little strength he had, he moved in time with Helene's strides. And soon enough, they were barreling through rooms and tunnels. There was still a fight to be had out there. And bleeding hells, if he wouldn't die in that room, he'd die fighting the Kaurkans if only to give the Shrike more time to get to his son.

 _Zacharias_. The baby had his eyes—but they were soft and innocent, and had the gentle touch of Livia's. He looked much like his mother, but with his slight tan. When he remembered holding the child in his hands, he thought he would never have held anyone in such gentleness as he did. His son. His heir.

When they were surrounded by Kaurkans, Marcus numbed the aftermath of the pain of his healed side. He knew one day he would die fighting in wars, but today—he would die to fight not for himself, not even for the bloody Empire, but for his son.

His heir.

Marcus released a battle cry before he unleashed his rage at the oncoming Kaurkans.

* * *

_**Livia** _

She did not expect what her sister just told her. Marcus was at the brink of death, and Helene  _healed_ him. Confused was too slight a word. There was something else, but she couldn't quite place it. Still, it was the best way to describe how she felt.

"Why?" Is all Livia could ask as she stared at her sister, still fresh from having healed from her wounds. Marcus, apparently, was still asleep in the other room—despite having already been healed. He took quite a blow, it would seem, during his fight with the Kaurkans after Helene helped him.

"I  _know_ we've waited for this a long time," Helene said placidly, staring at her furtively. "But can you imagine Zacharias living without a father? Just because we don't have ours anymore, doesn't mean my nephew shouldn't have his either."

Livia's brows knitted. Of course she has considered that plenty of moons ago. It would have been a worst case to explain to the child that they assassinated his father so he could take over as Emperor one day. Her sister said that her son needn't know, and yet… would it have been morally right, then? A life for a life was all it seemed, and yet, could she have done what Marcus did to her family? Slit her husband's throat to make him pay for what he's done?

She shook her head. The thought alone made her sick. Even back then, she questioned the motive even though outwardly, she agreed with her sister. Marcus may be a monster, but if her sister spared him for the reason that Zacharias should not grow up without a father, then he must be one bleeding hells of a something to still have the mercy to live.

"You're right," Livia spoke gently this time, settling down on her bed. "I just fear…"

"If he hurts you again, I'll personally kill him myself." Helene told her firmly. "And this time, there's no bloody Empire out there that can keep me from doing so."

Livia nodded. She should be used to her sister's crass approach by now. And yet, the thought of killing Marcus is still as haunting as the first time they spoke of it.

"Maybe he won't have to." Livia replied hopefully, merely for the sake of saying something.

Helene looked at her in surprise before nodding her assent.

Though deep down, it was a naïve sort of hope she wished to keep close to her heart. Not many people can change in the blink of an eye. But she would be a hypocrite if she didn't give Marcus the chance to try.

* * *

_**Marcus** _

The moment Marcus woke up, he was briefed on what's been happening. The jinn were set free by the Nightbringer, and were approaching their location at rapid speed. As if that wasn't the cherry on top of the news that came to him. Now Keris's people were coming after them. Not just them, but Marcus. And not just him, but his  _son_.

They travelled long, harsh roads while avoiding being caught by people now that they were enemies of the Empire.  _His_ empire. He never knew there would come a day when he would feel so wretchedly helpless. When they reached a cave far from where they travelled at the end of the day, he assessed what little people he had left.

There was the Shrike, Laia of Serra—to his great shock, though he mostly tried to avoid her—, Livia, little Zacharias and some of the Shrike's men. Several of Gens Veturius's men were with them too, apparently sent for assistance by the still alive blasted Quin Veturius who he had basically made to run off from the Empire. And yet the man still pledges his allegiance to Marcus.

But he was tired to think now. In fact,  _too tired_. After a devastating meeting with the men on the positioning of Keris's men tracking them, Marcus found himself trudging further into the cave. It wasn't the palace in Antium, but it was well enough to hide them for a couple more days till' they start moving again.

At the edge, he saw Livia lying down in a less than prominent gown. He wasn't doing much better himself, dressed in his armor almost every day, always prepared for an ambush or attack from the jinn.

He saw that she was lying down next to the bundle of which was Zacharias.

Marcus found his feet carried him to his wife and son.

When Livia saw him, she sat upright almost immediately. There was a glimmer of fear in her eyes, but she showed little ways of shuddering like she used to. Was she always that scared of him?

No, he doubted that was it. She was afraid, yes. But she had always been so bleeding brave. She never was scared of him, but she was scared for her life.

"How is he?" Marcus asked monotonously, taking a seat on the other side of Zacharias. The baby was sleeping snuggly in his little blue bundle of blankets. His nose wrinkled delicately, which made his heart ache.

"He's well. Healthy, even. He eats a lot and is quite stubborn." Livia explained shortly, pulling her knees to her chest before her fingers brushed Zacharias's forehead gently.

"He's beautiful." Marcus proclaimed fondly, staring at the small bundle before them. There was a brief silence before he finally looked up to meet Livia's gaze. "Go get some sleep. I'll look after him."

A look of shock crossed her gentle face. His lips couldn't help but curve almost mockingly. He wasn't about to let her deprive herself of sleep especially after she just carried the child for months.

"Alright…" Livia said slowly, testing the words, still looking at him as though he's grown two heads.

When Livia turned over to rest, Marcus lied down himself and scooted closer towards the baby. His callous hands touched Zacharias's smooth cheeks. He was so delicate, and quite precious. Marcus never liked babies much. They were loud, insufferable and a right mess. But skies, he couldn't help but love the boy.

In that moment, he hoped to every being that the child would be much like Livia. Strong, brave, and kind. He wished the boy to be  _nothing_  like the man he is except for his strength in battle.

Zacharias gurgled in his sleep, emitting a low chuckle from Marcus.

The silence and lack of Zak's presence since his naming the child soon became a comfort to his too tired mind.

* * *

_**Livia** _

Livia found that whenever Marcus wasn't talking with the Masks and the Shrike, he would go to Zacharias and just lie next to him. Sometimes, she'd find him talking—whether it was to Zacharias, or her son's namesake, she wasn't sure. But she knew that she  _never_ heard him talk so fondly to the ghost of his brother. It could only mean he was being so with their child.

When Livia took the turn of watching over their son, Marcus came around and suggested he look after the boy.

Sometimes, she wondered if he was whispering vile and inappropriate things to such an innocent child while she's not around. She even thought that perhaps Marcus plans to train the boy as soon as he could walk on his two stubby legs. But every time she comes back to eavesdrop, she could only ever hear praise and gentleness, and see him hold Zacharias to keep him from crying, something she would never have expected from her husband.

The thought of it made her heart twinge. But in a good way.

"It's okay. I can't sleep anyway." Livia had said after Marcus's suggestion as she took to lie on the other side of their son, Marcus across her. She rested her head against a makeshift pillow and let her eyes flutter between Zacharias and then her husband.

Marcus looked so intent watching over the boy. Was the prospect of the Shrike saving Marcus truly the cause for his sudden gentleness? His sudden need to be protective of someone else other than himself?

"Did I ever tell you how brave you are?" Marcus suddenly asked, snapping Livia from her brief reverie. Her eyes lingered towards Marcus, who looked back at her. She was certain he had been talking to the baby, but the expectant look in his eyes as he stared at her said otherwise.

"Oh, well, no," Livia replied hesitantly, unsure where this was going. "If I'm being honest, you weren't particularly vocal back in Antium. Well, aside from when we're in your room."

The trick of the torch's light must have cast something odd, for she caught a slight tinge of red grace Marcus's cheeks.

A low chuckle came from him as he raised a thick brow. "You make light of almost all situations, it would seem."

Livia shrugged discontentedly as her gaze shifted to their son, who moved slightly in his bundle. "I try to. I'm not quite used to serious situations, and I rather hate tension. Best to make light of it while we still can. Light gives us our lives the tiniest shred of hope, even if it's temporary. Without it, it's really not living at all."

Perhaps she hadn't been so vocal herself until now. But she would take the opportunity to talk to Marcus… while he's still not hurting her, at least.

"A bleeding boring life, I reckon," Marcus answered, causing Livia to look up to him. Amusement was written across his features. "I suppose I expected much. You  _were_ the only one that kept the Illustrians at bay during the first few weeks of our reign. I still haven't thanked you for that."

She wasn't sure if she was even hearing the words right, but she'll be damned if she tried to ignore the simple fact that Marcus said what he said.

Livia gave him a small, grateful smile, feeling heat rise up to her cheeks. It was not everyday her husband showed any manner of appreciation on top of his iron hand.

Little Zacharias fluttered his eyes open, and Livia nearly leapt from where she lay. Her heart sang as the baby blinked twice before searching his surroundings. His Farrar eyes drifted towards Livia, and the baby made a soft sound.

"Hungry, little one?" Livia asked as she moved closer to the baby. Zacharias gurgled his assent before his eyes turned to look up at his father. A giggle burst from the small baby before his chubby arms began to reach out for Marcus.

She and Marcus sported surprised looks as their son opened and closed his fists up at his father. Livia couldn't help but smile and nod at Marcus, urging him to take the baby. There seemed to be a moment's hesitation before Marcus finally moved close to scoop Zacharias in his arms.

"He seems to be growing on you," Livia said with a slight giggle, watching father and son look at each other fondly.

Marcus met Livia's gaze. "He's very demanding, I'll give you that."

"Now, where do you think he got that, hm?" She asked teasingly, causing the baby to let out a string of giggles. Livia watched as Zacharias reached out to touch the stubble of Marcus's jaw. Their baby truly was the most precious thing to ever happen in such a difficult time of war.

Marcus's low rumble of laughter echoed the cave. "I seem to recall a certain Empress just as demanding in my bedroom."

"Oh, you're  _dreadful_ ," Livia laughed as the color darkened on her cheeks.

She couldn't remember the last time she was this happy. Perhaps when she first saw baby Zacharias, but that felt like moons ago from today. Still, her entire body felt light as she and Marcus played with their little boy.

Since then, she was starting to think that perhaps she wouldn't have to fear her husband anymore.

* * *

_**Marcus** _

Two months passed before they finally made a move out of the cave.

They traveled weeks before they found a secluded safe house near Novium within the forest provided by Quin Veturius. He still couldn't quite place why the man still supported his reign, but he supposed plebeians can't be choosers at this point in his befallen reign.

Most days, he kept a clear head—clearer than he's ever had for the longest time. Sometimes, he found himself turning around, hoping to see the ghost of his twin brother. But sometimes, he turned and felt the slightest relief of not seeing him. He realized now that his reckless decisions have been guided by a ghost who could not move on.

And yet, he couldn't blame his brother for not wanting to. The guilt of every death on his hands began to take over.

Marcus excused himself from the war room of the safe house. He found that his feet automatically stumbled to Livia's room where she had taken to harbor their son to sleep at. She was lying next to him again, but she did not have the air of lightness and freeness in her the way he's seen her in the last few months.

In the past couple of months, whenever he wasn't strategizing with the Shrike and the Masks, or training to keep his strength, he spent his free time by Livia and Zacharias's side. Eventually, he found that he enjoyed Livia's company. She talked about everything, and nothing, and the simplicity of it was a temporary escape from the still-going war outside the walls of the cave then.

He resisted the urge of  _feeling_ something for Livia, though he might be too late on the resistance. His heart would leap at the mere sight of her, and every time she laughed, he swears he could have died and gone to the Waiting Place. Back then, they shared nothing but sexual desires abetted by Livia herself. But now, he was starting to see her as more than some pretty face he married out of "mercy" for the Shrike to still have one living relative.

"Train me," Livia said, sitting upright to look at Marcus as he shut the door behind him.

" _What_?" Marcus asked, taken aback.

Livia left the bed where Zacharias slept to walk over to him. He felt his breath hitch when he caught her scent of vanilla and honey. It was intoxicating.

"Stop ogling at me, Marcus." Livia demanded seriously. Marcus blinked. "Train me.  _Please_."

"Your sister would kill me. And believe me, she had the chance." Marcus scoffed, pinching his brows together. "Besides, you think I'm going to let you overexert yourself?"

"I gave birth  _months_ ago." She complained, placing her hands on those delicate hips of hers. Bleeding skies, what he'd do to touch them again… "You can't expect me to sit around and do nothing. I want to help. I want to defend myself."

Marcus massaged his forehead in frustration. "Livia… That is exactly your job. You're the Empress and the people—or what little we still have left, anyway—expect you to be alive and well while the Masks and the Emperor do all the fighting."

" _Please_ , Marcus." Livia stepped closer this time and took his hand in hers. Her hands felt so soft against his calloused ones. She was looking up to him desperately. "I never ask for  _anything_ from you. I just ask that you help me. Train me with basic defense. Nobody wants to train me because they thought you might hurt them if you found out. But I'm asking you now myself."

Her pleading gaze melted the winter in his heart, and he hated how she had this effect on him now.

Ever since they escaped the Kaurkans, Marcus never laid a hand on her again. He never had it in himself again to harm Livia even when the Shrike did the most idiotic mistakes. Back then, he realized, he took out his anger on her not just because of the Shrike, but because his brother's ghost raised his violence to a boiling point where he could see nothing but red.

Now that Zak's ghost was nowhere to be seen, he was beginning to regret what he had done to Livia. On top of, well, literally killing nearly her entire family. That was a whole other guilt he could never quite escape even as his heart seemed to ache for his Empress.

Marcus sighed in defeat. "Only once every day for two hours. Do you understand?"

Livia's face lit up, and skies, did she light up the room itself that way.

* * *

_**Livia** _

She did not expect him to say yes. True, he put up a fight, but it didn't last much long. Soon enough, Marcus began training her with defensive attacks. He had Faris fashion a makeshift scim out of wood for her to practice on. A part of her dreaded holding real Martial scims, but that didn't mean she would stop herself from learning.

Helene had thought it was absurd, considering how Zacharias might be without his father  _and_ mother by the time the jinn and the Commandant's men start coming for them. But Livia counter-argued that should it come down between her son and her life, she would fight to the death for her son's life. That's what her parents would have done, and she wasn't about to set off course from the family bravery.

Her progress was not as she had hoped it would be. It turns out movement was not her best suite, but she found that she was fluid enough to escape blows without harming herself. Marcus trained her the way he was trained in Blackcliff. He was not merciful on the field because he knew no enemy would be with her, but he was considerate and just to her on advises whenever training was over.

The training has gotten her into close proximity with him over the course of a few weeks, physically and perhaps, even, emotionally. She had always thought Marcus saw her as nothing more than some trophy wife he simply got out of the "goodness of his heart" and "mercy" towards Helene. But as they trained vigorously daily, she thought he was starting to see her as something more than that.

Perhaps what she hated was the thrum of her heart every time she saw him. Days never seemed to be complete without him coming into her room just so they can look after their son and all the while talk as Zacharias gurgled happily up at his parents. It was the simple joy of it that ignited the tiniest spark of light in the midst of the worst of their situation.

But such simplicity is painstakingly short-lived. The Commandant's men came in the night, giving them a disadvantage in the largest proportion. Livia had been singing a soft lullaby to Zacharias when she saw Marcus burst into the room, eyes wild with fear and apprehension, scims drawn and stained with blood.

"Get him out of here, Livia. Now!" Marcus commanded fretfully.

Livia bundled Zacharias in her arms, causing the baby to wake and let out an ear-shattering cry. She cooed at her son, trying to calm him, but it was no use. It was the worst time to be handling her child's woes right now.

"My lord," Helene came bounding inside the room, scims drawn. Faris, Dex and Harper stood on either side of her, covering her from any oncoming attack. Laia of Serra arrived too, flickering in and out due to her invisibility. She held a dagger stained with blood in her hand. "Fifty men at large. We're not sure if Quin's men can hold them off much longer. We must get you and the Empress out of here."

"No, get my wife and son to safety, Shrike. I'm fighting that bitch's men myself." Marcus whirled at her menacingly, taking a tight grip of Helene's arm before shoving her into the room. "That's an order."

"Marcus—" The Shrike started, but paused when Marcus sent her a deadly glare.

His gaze softened, however, when it turned to Livia and the baby.

"I want to fight—" Livia started, but Marcus cut her off by holding her face in his hands. She was surprised to find that he had a delicate hold on her. If they weren't under attack, she would have reveled at the gentleness of harsh hands, leaned into his uncharacteristically soft touch.

" _No_ ," Marcus said with conviction. "Keep Zacharias safe. Keep yourself safe. Remember what I trained you to do. Do you understand?"

"I can't just leave you!" Livia exclaimed above the baby's noise.

"You can and you  _must_ ," Marcus insisted roughly this time before his hands moved down towards the crying bundle in her arms. Zacharias held onto his fingers hands like his life depended on it. Then, Marcus looked up to her. "For the  _Empire_ , Livia. For  _him_."

Livia swallowed. She wanted to say something,  _anything_.

_Please be careful. Please come back to me._

Instead, she nodded her assent, but she knew it to be a lie. Marcus was gone before she knew it. Faris and Dex protected the door as Helene and Laia dragged her to a secret passageway she didn't know existed until now.

The passageway had stairs that lead down to the drawing room. She could hear the fight from the other side of the walls, hear the screams of men as they fought and lost the last breath of their lives. Livia had never seen much of war, and she wasn't sure she was even prepared given the short amount of training she's had, but skies, she would be damned if she left Marcus.

Something ignited in her; an impulse driven by months of having not much to do except stay hidden, keep close to her allies and Marcus…

Marcus who—according to Helene—could not change  _that much._ Marcus who she caught singing a terrible baritone of a lullaby from his childhood to Zacharias. Marcus who had been patient with her as she stumbled on her makeshift scim during training.

The Emperor who would have laid down his life for his son, his wife, his empire—and yet, what was  _she_  doing herself? She was running the other way like she did last time. But she wasn't sore from having given birth now, was she?

They threaded the passageway in haste. Livia couldn't contain much of her aggravation. As the sobbing baby struggled in her arms, she stopped in her tracks; causing the Masks, Helene and Laia to nearly stumble on their stride and barrel into her.

Livia whirled to meet Laia's gaze before she gently transferred her son into the Scholar's hands. "Take him away from here. Far away. To the tribes, to Navium, I don't care. I want him safe and alive when I get out."

"What do you mean  _when_ you get out?" Helene howled at her in frustration. "Livvy, you're not seriously thinking of going back there."

"I order you as Empress to let me through, Shrike." Livia demanded this time, exercising the same firmness she often heard in Marcus.

Faris, Dex and Harper looked to the Shrike for confirmation.

Helene fists curled and uncurled menacingly, her face undetermined. From what little light the passageway gave, her sister looked less cruel than she could have remembered; likely from the missing Mask on her face. To her, she was just Helly, her big sister; and she could only hope she would be much like it now.

"Permission to escort you in your bleeding idiotic bravery to go back up there, Empress," Helene said between gritted teeth. Faris looked as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Shrike—" Faris started.

"Permission granted," Livia proclaimed before she hiked up her skirt. She saw Faris blush the color of beets as she unsheathed her hidden scim—Marcus's scim—from the strap around her thigh hidden underneath her dress.

"Bleeding hells, Livia," Laia recoiled just as Faris and Dex did when she wielded the scim to full height. "Where on earth did you—"

"No time," Livia exclaimed in exasperation at the Scholar. She leaned in close to look at her crying bundle. His golden eyes were red from all his crying, and he shifted erratically trying to reach out for her. She pressed a kiss against her son's forehead. "Live, Zacharias. Mama and Papa will be with you again. I  _promise_."

"We'll meet you at Novium. It's a day's walk from here." Harper said sharply. "Helene knows where Quin's hidden house is from there."

Livia spun to meet Helene's gaze. "Let's go."

As they raced their way back up the steps, she heard Helene's labored breathing between her frustrated words.

"This is madness, Livvy. If we get out of this alive, I swear I'm tying you to a bleeding tree!"

Livia laughed, which was not at all right for the situation they were in, but it was a breath of something human before they meet their dooms in the safe house.

When they arrived back in her room, she saw the bodies of Keris's men scattered around the space and down the hallway. Her heart leapt when she thought she saw Marcus's body in one of them, but felt the greatest relief when it wasn't him.

They could still hear the fight going downstairs, and when Livia and Helene bounded down the steps, Livia saw that Marcus and a few of Quin Veturius's men were still holding. Helene drew her scims out, prepared to fight.

"Stay behind me!" Helene shrieked at her before she joined the fight.

Livia killed her first Mask that day.

He was coming at her at with such precision and speed. With the fluidity of her movements, she managed to dodge a killing blow that could have taken her life. She buried her scim in the Mask's thigh with the precision she was taught, and jammed her head upwards to break the man's jaw. He stumbled backwards. Livia retrieved her scim from his thigh before she drove the silver into the Mask's heart.

She felt as though she was going to be sick as the Mask's blood covered her scim and half the front of her body. But there was no time to mourn. She needed to move.

Helene was fighting off two more Masks while she saw Marcus fighting one other.

Her eyes flashed in worry when she saw another Mask creeping up behind Marcus. Instinct kicked in and in a moment's notice, she was strangling the Mask with one of the fallen curtains of the drawing room. The Mask choked and his body slowly sagged from the lack of oxygen.

She saw Marcus swipe his sharp scim upwards at the Mask he was fighting, spewing blood from the man's crotch up to his neck. He then wheeled around to see his opponent from behind. A look of shock and anger crossed his features, though before he could kill the Mask in her arms with his scim, Livia drove her own scim into the man's throat. Blood sprayed and fell in fountains before she released him.

"What in the ten bleeding hells were you thinking, Livia?!" Marcus howled at her ferociously.

"You're welcome!" Livia shouted back angrily before she heard the grunt of her sister from behind.

Marcus was quick on his feet to take on the other Mask. Before Livia could even go into the fray to fight again—the two Masks's bodies fell limp as Helene and Marcus's scims were buried into their skin.

Livia looked around to see a plethora of bodies around the drawing room, all men from either Gens Veturius or Keris's. There seemed to be little survivors of their men, but they knew it would not be safe to stay here much longer. None of them said anything as they threaded their way back up the stairs then into Livia's room to get to the passageway.

But she could feel the tension in the air—Marcus's oncoming anger. She feared him all of a sudden, the fear she felt within her during the first few months of their marriage. But she swallowed that fear as she had before.

She would not let him think she fears him.

Not anymore.

* * *

_**Marcus** _

Marcus never cared much of anything in his life. All he cared about was his brother, finishing his time in Blackcliff and bringing honor to the Empire. He never thought he would have to care for his Empress, and their son. He never thought his heart would nearly fall over when he saw Livia in that drawing room unprotected. He never thought he would be afraid of losing someone important to him like Zak until Livia came along.

But he was seething with the utmost rage. As soon as they escaped the safe house, they managed to catch up with the others in just a few short hours. Livia's guards, Harper and Laia were all huddled together in another cave, which apparently was going to lead them to Quin Veturius's home.

Marcus said nothing during their brief trip, and neither did Livia and the Shrike. Though he could feel much of the Shrike's anger emanate and collide with his. He couldn't believe she was idiotic enough to let Livia join the bleeding fight.

Laia handed Zacharias over to Livia as they walked the dark and damp cave. Marcus's feet moved as they instinctively have for the past months towards her.

He avoided her gaze as he looked down on the small bundle in her arms. Their son was awake and giggling uncontrollably, likely happy to see them again. Marcus smiled as he caressed Zacharias's soft cheek.

He felt Livia's breath against the side of his neck, causing him to pull away. She looked like she wanted to say something, but not before he began to move further up the path next to Harper and Helene. He needed to clear his head. Yelling at Livia would do neither of them good, and though he's avoided it for months, he had to restrain himself still.

When they finally arrived at the home of Gens Veturius, Marcus was surprised to find plebeians housing the estate. Marcus had almost forgotten about the damage the Kaurkans placed on his people, the damning manipulative stride of Keris as she risked the lives of thousands of men and the Empire's people. His blood boiled in anger, not at Keris, even, but at himself.

This was his fault.

But he had little time to argue with himself. Marcus gathered with his men and Quin Veturius in the war room to strategize their next move. He concentrated long and hard, and did his best to provide solutions temporarily until they can figure out what to do with the Commandant and the rapidly approaching jinn who will soon take them and wipe them from existence.

After three grueling hours of arguing, almost killing somebody and scims buried on the map of the Empire out of anger, Marcus left the war room. His head was too clouded with one too many things happening in one blasted evening. He needed sleep. Bleeding skies, he wanted the comfort of a nice bed and just hope to all the damn jinn that he could wake up dead.

But when Dex showed him where Livia and Zacharias was staying, death suddenly wasn't such a pleasant thought. He saw Livia in her room, but Zacharias was nowhere in sight. Instinct kicked in, and he drew his scims, looking around wildly.

"Where is he—" Marcus started, but Livia held her hands up.

"He's with Laia. I told her to look after him for a moment." Livia said as she met his gaze. "I wanted to talk to you. Alone. About what happened in the safe house—"

"You shouldn't have gone back!" Marcus's resolve cracked at last as he slammed the door behind him.

Livia jumped in surprise, but she kept a brave face. Skies, he admired her for that. But sometimes, he thought her bravery could lead to such idiotic things that would get her killed.

"What did I tell you? Get out of there with Zacharias and leave the rest to me. They're simple orders, Livia!" He berated as he went up to her. His height towered over Livia's as he looked down. "You could have died! Do you have any idea what that would have been like? For our son to grow up without his parents? How could you have done that to him?"

"How could  _you_ have done that to him?" Livia fired back, her face pinched together in vexation. "You were the one who decided not to come with us! Putting your duty above Zacharias's—"

"I defended your life! His life!"

"I defended yours as well!"

Marcus groaned in frustration before whirling to run his hands through his hair anxiously. "I never should have trained you. I knew it'd come down to this stupid recklessness!"

"If you hadn't, you would be  **dead**." Livia's voice lowered this time, but still laced with conviction.

As he stared out at Novium through the windows of the room, he felt gentle hands touch his shoulders. Marcus spun to look down at Livia's soft features. Skies, she was absolutely beautiful. He had always known that, but he never appreciated much of it until now.

His heart raced with the sound of galloping horses. He feels as though it might burst.

"I couldn't lose you," Livia said as her hands travelled up the length of his neck. A delightful chill went up his spine. Her tender hands lay against either of his cheeks. She was looking at him intently now, a bright blush gracing her cheeks. "I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I did. I had to go back. I  _wanted_ to."

"Why did you?" Marcus asked, waiting with bathed breath for her answer.

Livia looked taken aback but she recovered quickly, the red in her cheeks darkening as she moved closer. "I..."

"Livia…" Marcus whispered her name like a prayer. Her face was so close to his.

"I don't know if I can  _ever_ forgive you for what you did." Livia went on, and he felt the prick of guilt at the back of his mind. She was talking about her family. But Livia shook her head. "But after everything we've been through..."

"Livia," He said her name again, relishing in the way it rolled off his tongue. Marcus has never been more out of words than he was now. "Why did you?"

"I…" Livia started, taking a shuddering breath before their eyes locked strongly. "Because I would have preferred to have died a thousand times over than to see you die before my eyes."

His heart sped rapidly as she drew close. Without even a moment's hesitation, he closed the distance between them. He captured her soft lips against his, strong arms wounding desperately around her form to pull her close. Sharp gasps escaped their lips at their contact.

The small ember that has built for so many months between them exploded into its full flame. It had been so long since he last held her in his arms, and back then, it was mostly meaningless love making that fed his carnal desire. But now, it was far from meaningless, far from the man he was to her when things hadn't exactly gone to hell just yet.

Marcus lifted her up in arms, feeling her wrap her legs around his waist before he took them into the soft sheets of her bed. His skin was aflame at her touch, and he felt even more compelled when her hands travelled south.

The room filled with their sighs, pleasured moans and quiet gasps as they moved in tandem to their love-making. It wasn't meaningless to him anymore. It was everything he ever desired and more.

After a while, their labored breaths resounded throughout the room. Livia's body rested on top of his, weighing little. His hands traveled from her pert ass up to her spine, a motion akin to a lover's touch. He could feel her breath fan against his chest, watching her recover still from their vigorous love-making. The aftermath was calming to him, and simply being able to hold his Empress in his arms this way gave him a sort of comfort he has not had in his days before knowing and…  _loving_ her.

He pressed a kiss on her forehead, emitting a contented sigh from Livia.

"Marry me," He whispered so softly in a manner he never would have done with anyone but their son.

Livia's dark head lifted to look at him in surprise, but there was a slight tinge of amusement that made her lips curl. "Marcus, we're already married."

"I meant marry me…  _again_." Marcus rephrased, feeling every bit of heat rush to his cheeks. His golden eyes locked with her ocean blue ones before he plucked up the courage to speak more. "After we win this, after this bleeding hells of a war with Kerin and the jinn is over, after we get our Empire back… I want to renew our vows. You must think I'm a bleeding fool—"

"I don't," Livia answered almost immediately. She stared at him fondly. "I don't think you're a fool at all. Marcus, I… I would like that. To marry you again, that is."

Marcus thought he must have heard wrong, but he couldn't have. If he did, Livia would be frowning at him, however elegant she may be in her anger. But she was looking up to him with an admiration he's caught every now or so in the last months they've spent time together. It made his heart race so painfully, he feels as though it might burst out in his sheer joy.

"Just promise me one thing." Livia said as she drew circles against his chest. Her eyes had towards her moving fingers. There was a momentary silence as Marcus waited with bathed breath then. She lifted her head to look up to him once more. There was a pleading, almost terrified but also hopeful look in her eyes. "Please don't… please don't hurt me again."

It was blow to every single moment he has done to physically and emotionally hurt her. He had drowned in many sleepless nights regretting everything he's done thus far since the trials. A part of him could never find a way to fix what he did and resurrect the lives he had taken. He did not deserve anyone's forgiveness, especially not Livia.

But he remembered her tell him this one thing before. How there is always hope at the end of the tunnel, even for those that people think is beyond repair or help. Back then, he had thought it was a silly and naïve idea—until she started giving him that very hope as the days passed.

"Don't leave me again." She went on, her voice cracking as she held his gaze. "Don't you  _ever_ leave me again, Marcus Farrar."

Marcus couldn't help but lift his upper body up. He held Livia to him with his arms holding her form to his. She was sat on his lap, her hands flying to touch the stubble of his jaw. Bleeding skies, her touch unraveled him.

"I wouldn't even if the very life was tortured out of me, Livia Farrar." Marcus swore his heart's fealty. His mouth opened, hoping to say more, hoping to declare the love that he has grown to have for her. But she saw it in his eyes, and he needn't the words to say it at all when Livia captured his lips in hers.

He could never deserve someone as good as Livia. But if she thought he was worth every risk, even at the risk of her own life, then perhaps he wasn't such a completely helpless fool after all.

**FINIS**

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I understand it's not the kind of ship anyone would even sail. And no, I am not excusing Marcus's previous actions. What he did to Livia's family and to anyone he's ever killed is inexcusable. I merely tried to give him some hope into the new life he had chosen to live after I made the Shrike spare his life. I think that if that had been the case, I really believe Marcus would have changed eventually.
> 
> Trust me, this pair has a long way to go. There are scars between them that are yet to be healed, and both characters understand that. But in the very long run, it's not to say there isn't hope along the way.
> 
> Anywho, I hope it was an enjoyable read on its own! I tried my best to portray Marcus and Livia up to Sabaa's standards. But if I didn't, I apologize in advance. I would love to hear your thoughts on it, so feel free to leave a review down below.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> EMPG22HoPe


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